January 1, 2021

Psychological scientists who study human behaviour agree that past behavior is a useful marker for future behaviour. I have learnt from experience that most people’s actions are predictable as past behaviour indicators usually continue in future actions.

I also know from experience that your mindset is as important as your best idea. If you develop a good one, you make everything in your life better immediately.

The relationship between mindset and behaviour is complex. Over the years, I tried to determine if the person’s mindset contributes to certain, repeatable behaviours. I have no education in psychology but I have noticed trends with respect to these relationships and I started “labeling” individuals to distinguish these trends. So far, I have established the following:

1. Lone Wolfer

The lone wolf lives by the beliefs that they have to do life alone… that no one truly has their back… that everyone’s just in it for themselves. The lone wolf may feel like asking others for support is unnecessary, unfair, weak, pathetic, or dependent.

The lone wolf strategy is also commonly a childhood survival mechanism that served them at a time when it made sense (for example, their parents didn’t really raise them and so they felt like they had to raise themselves) but they are unwilling to let go of because their ego fears its own collapse.

By allowing others to support us, we must be willing to trust. To surrender. To believe that life is more than just about serving our own needs. The health risks of living as a lone wolf are massive. One study showed that chronic social isolation is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, or being an alcoholic, or never exercising, and twice as bad as being clinically obese.

One thing is for sure, chronic isolation is a killer. It shortens your life span, erodes the quality of your daily life, and negatively impacts your sense of happiness and resiliency.

2. Death Wisher

Someone with this mindset has an unconscious desire for one’s own death, as manifested in self-destructive or dangerous behaviors.

3. Lonesome Loser

I think of the song by Little River Band called the Lonesome Loser with the following lyrics:

Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
He’s a loser but he still keeps on tryin’

Sit down, take a look at yourself
Don’t you want to be somebody?
Someday somebody’s gonna see inside
You have to face up, you can’t run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
He’s a loser but he still keeps on tryin'”

Unlucky in love”, least that’s what they say
He lost his head and he gambled his heart away
He still keeps searching though there’s nothing left
Staked his heart and lost, now he has to pay the cost

Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
He’s a loser but he still keeps on tryin'”

It’s okay”, he smiles and says
Though this loneliness is driving him crazy
He don’t show what goes on in his head
But if you watch very close, you’ll see it all

Sit down, take a look at yourself
Don’t you want to be somebody?
Someday somebody’s gonna see inside
You have to face up, you can’t run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
He’s a loser but he still keeps on tryin’
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Now tell me, have you heard about the lonesome loser?

4. Mean Spiriter

The definition of mean spirited is someone or something that is unkind, motivated by cruelty or intended to be hurtful. An example of a mean spirited person is someone who loves to see others fail.

5. Curious Thinker

They seek to understand the perspectives of others, and are willing to sit in ambiguity, open and curious without being invested in the outcome.

If I had to define what a curious thinker was I would say it is someone who is constantly trying to absorb new information and has many different interests. I would say I am very much a curious thinker. I always have a question waiting to be asked in the back of my head because I just want to know everything I can. I believe it is good to be a curious thinker because sometimes not asking something is the reason we do not learn. It is important not to be afraid to ask questions, as they are the key to obtaining new knowledge. Being a curious thinker has its negatives because my brain is constantly working. 

People who are open and curious orient their lives around an appreciation of novelty and a strong urge to explore, discover, and grow. Researchers have recently shown that being an open, curious person is linked to healthy social outcomes.

6. Saboteur

Someone who deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something), especially for political or military advantage.

7. Victim Seeker

Here’s our process. Do you know someone who seems to become a victim in nearly every situation? It’s possible they have a victim mentality, sometimes called victim syndrome or a victim complex. People who come from a place of victimization may show little interest in trying to make changes. They may reject offers of help, and it may seem like they’re only interested in feeling sorry for themselves.